Monday, June 22, 2009

On low quality superheroes

On low quality superheroes

I've just noticed that Asda sell an own-brand of sanitary towels under the brand name "Night Wing".

Since when, I ask, have companies felt the need to employ C-List superheroes to market jam rags ladies' bathroom products?

We don't see poor, dead Superman endorsing Stannah stair lifts in the back of the Radio Times, do we?

No. No, we do not.

This is because the lovely June Whitfield (aka PowerPensioner) has that particular line of income completely sewn up. And Superman's either a) too dead or b) too busy farting about with his new Fathers4Justice pals, depending on your perspective.

The world really has gone to Hell in a garage-sponsored Batmobile if our friendly neighbourhood superheroes are going around endorsing any old crap:

Daredevil: "Should have gone to Specsavers"

Wolverine: Gillette – "The best a man can get"

The problem comes when any old Tom, Dick or Harriet comes along, pulls on some stretchy purple outfit purchased from a dance supplies shop that always seems to have a closing-down sale and gives themselves a ridiculous name like Street Defender, just before they spend six months in hospital sans kneecaps.

Where will it end?

Woe, that's where.

- Barely Adequate Man

- Claiming Benefits While Working Cash-In-Hand Man

- James May

And ...err... Mad Cat Woman

23 comments:

Debster said...

Woo first with my super powers

Squeakypony said...

Scary, you made no reference to super powers. They must have super powers.

Super Name: SuperPony
Super Power: Reverse parking.

p.s. Super Second

Anonymous said...

Surely the Pope has super powers? He should advertise condoms I reckon.

GT

STEVEN HAWKING said...

BY DAY, A CANTANKEROUS UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR, BY NIGHT, A MIGHTY CRIME STOPPER KNOWN SIMPLY AS "THE HAWK"

Pseudonymph said...

Pokerface Lady.
Weapon of choice - poking people in the face and running away. Fast.

Rik said...

"Sheepman"

Special power: highly potent poo that cakes everything it contacts.

Cold said...

Oi! Leave James May alone - he seems to be single-handedly Raymond Baxterising the science output of the Beeb!

Erin said...

Super Squirrel: can horde up to a dozen criminals in his cheeks, and more in his secret squirrel arboretum.

Anonymous said...

Lower Back Pain Man
(anyone else watch Earth Worm Jim).

Tzonar.

Rik said...

"Meteor Man"

Special Power: repulsing women at 100 yards

Misty said...

Super Pensioner - Special skill = making time stand still in Post Office queues.

Misty said...

Super Misty - Special skill = distracting people by balancing rubber ducks while super criminals go about their mis-deeds.

Available for hire should anyone be planning a bank robbery or similar.


What...?

drfidelius said...

Iron Man - It does exactly what it says on the tin

The Six Million Dollar Man - Because I'm worth it

Harvey 'Two Face' Dent - Are you confused dot com?

Marv - It's Miller time!

Catwoman - Got milk?

Reed Richards - The applicance of science

The Joker - Are you a Cadbury's Fruit & Nut Case?

The Hulk - FOR MASH GET SMASH

Anonymous said...

Rik: 100 yards??? I'm about 130 miles away and I'm repulsed.

Tzonar

Do n said...

Ben Stiller summed the unsuperhero up in that daft film of his The Mystery Men.

Maybe it's because we can bleed for a week and not die that makes us super.

Donna said...

Ben Stiller summed the unsuperhero up in that daft film of his The Mystery Men.

Maybe it's because we can bleed for a week and not die that makes us super.

Donna said...

Tommy Mallet - Superprick

Jodie Marsh - Superwho?

John Prescott - Supperman

The Wrath of Dawn said...

That was an awfully long post just to get to mention You-Know-Who.

Also, must list superpowers for full effect.

Super name: SuperWrath
Super power: You'll never know what hit you...

Anonymous said...

Donna: not only do we not die, but we get more aggressive. Men should FEAR us.

Tz.

Sewmouse said...

Supername: SuperWeirdCatLady
Superpower: Keeping cats out of the aspidistra while serving weak tea and stale biscuits in cat-pee smelling dark lounge with moldy lace curtains.

No, even I don't understand it. I'm tired - long weekend.

Anonymous said...

I have the ability to see evil alien reptiloids, everywhere. They call me tinfoilhat man.

Fremsley said...

Is this anything to do with you?


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