So, you're in a meeting. Again.The agenda stretches out before you like the Dead Sea Scrolls, and someone's getting all aerated about the quality of the hand soap in the gents toilets.
On no account should you allow yourself to get diverted by the contents of your mobile phone.
On no account should you even consider catching up on a few hours' sleep.
And on absolutely no account should you decide to take your incredibly expensive pen apart, stripping it down to its component parts.
Because this will almost certainly happen:
1. As you unscrew the barrel of your prize Parker pen (free with an insurance quotation that will settle those worrying 'final expenses') the spring will shoot out at a speed approaching Mach Two, and will land in someone's coffee
2. In your panic to re-assemble what is left of your heirloom writing implement, with all available hands, feet and facial cavities, the end will come off the ink cartridge and leave you covered in red ink
This will be the exact moment that your boss will ask your opinion on an important piece of workplace policy.
This opinion – I have found – is somewhat devalued if you look exactly like Heath Ledger playing The Joker.
Well done, there. Golf clap. Take the rest of the day off.
17 comments:
And see how long you can hold in a fart.
You KNOW that's just going to lead to one thing: MUD
An accurate aim is better than any scathing quarterly performance review report.
The lesson here is really never to take a pen to a meeting.
Use your phone to take notes, two reasons, it can beep when you press a key, which everyone will find annoying, and if anyone says, put your phone down, while in the middle of sending a text message to your beloved or not beloved, you can simply say, "I'm trying to go for the paper free office, I take all my notes on this thing"
Stick with crayons Scary ... the non toxic ones.
p.s. I received a glowing performance review today ( insert Golf clap here ) Unfortunately it just proves to me that my Boss knows even less about what we do than I do.
"It's not red ink... it's blood."
I tend to weave baroque sexual fantasies at work meetings, which is quite an achievement given the challenging material I have to work with.
The time flies by, but it's adviseable to take your iPod off or else you find yourself mouthing brutal endearments to the assembled Morlocks.
Where did my comment go?
I'd check in Scary's workmate's coffee.
Next time they start discussing the gents, you should stand up and say that all this kind of talk is making you have to pee. Then leave. See how long it takes before they send some to look for you. Hours of fun could be had.
In a meeting with senior management about the ongoing lack of documentation, wear a tee-shirt with "READ THE FUCKING MANUAL" printed on it.
Not one of my brightest ideas, but my excuse is there was nothing else left to wear.
They allow you pens ? Crikey! All we are allowed are chunky yellow crayons and even then only under direct supervision from one of the nice nurses that bring our pills around in the morning.
Red ink?
Now you tell me!
LOL @ steve dix!
Thank you for introducing me to the phrase "golf clap". Until I looked it up I imagined it to be some kind of STD. Where have I been for the last 20 years?
eun : Unfortunately the MD didn't.
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