A bowl is placed in front of me."What's that?"
"Soup," she says.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. It's Spring Vegetable and Herb."
"It looks like the result of a kidney infection if you ask me."
"Well - if you must know - it's organic, slimming and very nutricious."
And that, dear reader is yet another example of the BLASPHEMY that is rife in the kitchens and dining rooms of this once-proud nation. There exists a list of officially-approved, ponce-free soups that should be served, lest you be accused of being a ponce. Failure to comply is punishable by CRAB JUSTICE.
- Heinz Cream of Tomato (Note: Variations involving "A hint of parsley" are wrong and a shortcut to The Way of the Ponce. " A hint of the Devil's pubes", more like)Every Saturday since I was a lad, my lunch has consisted of a tin of tomato soup and half a loaf of buttered, fresh bread. No wonder I'm a bloater, but that is the price one pays. Once, my father attempted to jazz it up with extra tomatoes, herbs and other ingredients out of the Larder of Ponce. That is the kind of trauma that makes serial killers.
- Heinz Chicken Noodle
- Duck (starring the Marx Brothers)
12 comments:
Hot Heinz tomato soup MUST be eaten with a roll and bacon with loads of Heinz tomato ketchup - THAT IS THE LAW !
Asda mulligatawny is for MEN
That is all.
Campbell's Soup, please.
Dear International Criminal Court,
Erin.
Just sayin'.
Your pal, etc
This from a man who appears to eat Heinz "soup."
Pffft!!
Dear ICC
Wrath of Dawn.
Your pal, etc
Dear ICC, people who injest something that can't make up its mind if its a drink or if it is food.
Your Pal
Skirmishmonkey.
Souper post today, Mssr. Duck.
Oh. And... gazpacho.
People who injest something that purports to be nutricious deserve all they get.
Spelling pedant.
Do not, I repeat, do not fall for the cleaniliness is next to Godliness. Be as filthy as you can be!
when booking soup, be that it may be filthy! In contempt of clean food and soup.
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