The X Factor is back with the Asshat Olympics that are their live shows on Saturday nights coming up to Christmas. Of course, you may choose not to watch - and even go and live somewhere in the colonies - but you find yourself drawn back every week to see what new horror the poor, down-trodden people of this nation are being subjected.This being the case, you might as well spend your time getting utterly rat-arsed and take part in the official X Factor Drinking Game.
It's simple. Swallow your pride and watch the X Factor. Then take on drink every time one of the following happens. You will be wrecked before the first ad break, which is a shame as the adverts are the best part:
- "You've taken that song and made it your own"Down the whole bottle:
- "You NAILED that vocal" (Two drinks if the singer sounded like they were driving a tractor acrss a ploughed field with weights tied to their privates)
- "That's the best version of that song I've ever heard" (Two drinks if it's a Beatles cover)
- "You owned that stage"
- "It's been a journey"
- Gary Barlow looks like he's shat his pants
- Dermott O'Leary hugs one of the female singers
- The guest star, when asked who they want to win, says "They're ALL uniquely talented"
- The guest spot is an act managed by Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh
- Louis Walsh says that he "likes the boys"
- Kelly speaks in some incomprehensible street slang that somehow sounds inspiring
- Tulisa stands up and claps like a sea lion (cf Amanda Holden, Britain's Got Talent)
- Flashback to tearful back story
- VOTING FACE
- The judges dare to criticise one of their money-spinning actsHic!
- One of the acts comes on and says "Here's one I just wrote"
11 comments:
The only problem I can see, the nation would be so ratted, they'd go and buy the resultant pap and make it Christmas No 1 :-((
No point living here. We've got it as well with bonus Washed Up Spice and I Was In Boyzone Doncha Know as judges.
You forgot about 'phonehand' as the acts walk off stage. You can't beat a bit of phonehand. Well, you can if you have a hammer.
Phonehand and voting face are much the same thing
I know nothing of this 'X factor' of which you speak.
Just googled it...
It gives me an idea for an overseas format sale... the acts perform in an array of batting practise net before the audience who "vote" by throwing rocks, the one with the least rocks wins. We could call it, "Afghanistan's Got Taliban".
You forgot the 'my nose is just about to fall off' face. Y'know, the one where you grab your nose with both hands because you're so totally emotional, like.
This is very similar to the Jeremy Kyle drinking game. I like it.
Not a fan of X Factor (yours or ours). I'm OK with drinking, though.
I only watch it at work.
The only alcohol handy is the stuff for sanitizing your hands.
Extra points for going blind right?
I'd rather play the "Withnail & I" drinking game, TBH. The chances of surviving long enough to be exposed to any more of the steaming tank of bum gravy that is "The X Factor" are this: slim.
P.S. I know where you got that tractor gag from, too.
I googled that and found where the tractor gag came from too. Shameless you are!
I also found another quote that somehow sums up X Factor.
"Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't allow into your house." David Frost
Post a Comment