I made a vow that I would never do another condensed movie on this site. So, here it is.The Hunger Games
Catpiss Littertray: Hello. I am Catpiss Littertray, and I am excellent. Today, I shall be mostly hoping that my little sister doesn't get chosen for the Hunger Games becuase she is a wet and a weed and say hello sky hello clouds etc etc chiz chiz
E. Trinket: And the representatives from District 12 are... Catpoo Littertray. Oh, and Peter Dreary
Catpiss: Oh, BUM HAMMERS. In which case: I volunteer for certain death, FFS.
E. Trinket: LOL
President Kiefer Sutherland's Dad: Welcome to TEH HUNGER GAMES. The winner shall receive this ENORMOUS PIE
Catpiss: Mmmm... pie
President Kiefer Sutherland's Dad: Mmmm... pie
Catpiss: When come back, bring pie
Simon Cowell: Heh heh heh. Little do they know that I have a secret plan to keep ALL TEH PIE to myself
Craig Charles: LET THE ROBOT WARS ...er... HUNGER GAMES BEGIN!
Catpiss: Ish. Ash. Oosh. Kill Kill Kill. LOLOLOLOL
Peter Dreary: I love you, Catpiss
Catpiss: I love you too, Peter Dreary
Cato from The Pink Panther films (I think): DIE! DIE! DIE! Oh, I have been eaten by dogs LOL
Catpiss: We have won, LIKE A BOSS
Simon Cowell: Oh ho ho, that's what you think, because I have changed the rules, LIKE A BOSS
President Kiefer Sutherland's Dad: Congratulations on your victory, Simon Cowell. Here is your POISON PIE, LIKE A FUCKING BOSS
Simon Cowell: Oh, BUM HAMMERS
Peter Dreary: Now we are famous, and have qualified for the Hunger Games World Cup. I wonder who we've got in the first round?
Freaky Blue Haired Bloke: And welcome to the first round of the Hunger Games World Cup, where our very own District 12 winners take on South Africa's District 9.
Catpiss: Oh, BUM HAMMERS
THE END (or is it?) YES.
Like this? Then download my whole freakin' book of Condensed Movies for a bargain price. You'll laugh, you'll cry. No refunds.
5 comments:
Thanks, now I don't need to go see it. LOVE District 9
I feel like I was there, chiz.
Plz don't keep saying it is Battle Royale. It's not really, they just have the same plot.
7:05p
Had staged incident where a group of white kids come up to me and ask me to buy a bottle. Suggest I will be attacked in the near future.
The gods are fucking monsters. Let me share with you some of the monsterous things they have done in the recent past::::
1. Treat Blvd. killings. Saw a beautiful therapist I recently brought up again. The gods had some delinquent white male plow his SUV into an Afghan man and his 9 year old daughter on a Saturday morning ride right in front of the building after I "foreshadowed" the event, killing them both.
2. Discussed Haitian child slavery problem. Had a slavery issue in my family, perpetuated from parents into the next generation. Considered a parent's possible reincarnation as a Haitian child slave. Shortly thereafter 25,000 dead in 2009 earthquake.
3. Badmouth crappy Chilean fruit. 2009 Earthquake.
4. 2002 Cozumel vacation. Wilma parks on the prime diving area (SW) of the island and hammers the reefs for 40 full hours.
5. Hurricane Andrew
6. Hurricane Hugo
7. Trip to Na Hoku followed by the 2006 Hawaiian earthquake days later.
8. 2004 trip to Bourbon Street's hedonistic Fat Tuesday followed by 2005 Hurricane Katrina (name clue).
9. 1999 trip to Grand Cayman. Hurricane Ivan devistates the reef, the Queen's Garden and proceeds to slice up the middle of the state of Alabama months after my visit.
10. The town I stayed in experienced a tornado which killed almost a dozen.
This list goes on and on and on.
You are a sleazy piece of shit. My life was devistated and I never even had a brief period of time to achieve to the best of my ability.
Don't you ever preach compassion or empathy to me. You could have allowed a period of loss. Instead your control freak nature ensured little progress.
The Situation sucked for a reason:::So the gods would not be obliged to their Chosen One. A mediocre Situation ensured they could force me into MY "consoloation prize"::::Relegated to recolonization of the next Planet Earth. Tens of thousands of years of hard labor, "dawn to dusk" days, slavery, crucifixion, burning at the stake, torture, etc.
They treat life so trivially. Since we are all "coming back" through reincarnation I suspect this may be the case. However in light of the atrocities the gods inflict on humanity in the name of divine justice it rings hallow.
The gods having fun with the Situation through killing:::
1. Treat Blvd. blonde, 2 dead
2. Salon Meritage, 8 dead
3. Speed Freak Killers, dozens dead
4. Costa Concordia, Sch captain, 30 dead.
4. Haitian earthquake, 25,000 dead.
8:45p
The morbidly disfavored Mediterreanean was used as the platform for "Western Civilization", eventually used to promote sexual deviacy to create an "Animal House" type of enviornment in our society.
The gods will enforce their positioning of xtianity/RomanCatholicChurch partnered with capitalism/UnitedStatesofAmerica. And we will realize when the gods execute the New Testiment prophecy under the guise of the perceived "one true religion", xtianity.
Two realities:::The god's positioning and the god's reality. The reality is children ascend into heaven upon repairing their relationship with the gods and fixing their evils from current and prior lives. The positioning will deliver "1000 years with Jesus on Earth", justified with scientific and medical advances, and only the TRUE believers in Jesus (are there any?) will have "everlasting life" (recolonize next Planet Earth and continue humanity's life cycle).
The gods are control freak rapists who forced this Situation with Artificial Intelligence.
Much as WorldWarII's Unit 731::TSUSHOGO proves, it could have gone no other way.
Wow, spambots are getting really articulate these days aren't they?
Also, I wish I'd read your condensed version before reading the entire novel. Because the ending of the book was WET and NOT EXCELLENT.
Post a Comment